I have several fears.
Silly ones are clowns, snakes, spiders, you get the drift. However, my real fears (the ones that keep me awake at night) are more complex. I am terrified of aging and death. So much so that I force myself to not think about the future. I’m scared of not being a good wife to someone one day, or a good mother to my future kids. I am scared that the way I see my future in my head, will never become a reality. I’m terrified of being alone.
Just recently, I had an assignment in one of my classes where I had to interview someone over sixty-five. I had always been curious about the perspective of life from someone older than me and I have always wanted to do something like this. Pick the brain of someone who has lived countless years more than me and has learned and experienced more than I have. I went into the assignment thinking that it would be fun. I wasn’t prepared for the reality check that life was so fleeting.
I’ve always been aware that time moves fast. The older I have gotten and the more responsibilities I have had to take on made it fly by at an even faster rate. Today, I am twenty-one years old and I feel as though it was my tenth birthday yesterday. That feeling is debilitating. Knowing that eleven years has passed between a time I feel like just occurred. It is at this moment I realize how fast life really is. How in between our day to day routine of waking up, going to school or work, and trying to get ahead for the next day; life was there, moving on.
I never understood when people would tell me to stop wishing my life away. I thought it was silly to expect a person with so much time and experiences ahead of them to not look forward to it. To not want it to happen faster. I watched the ages I wished for come and go so quickly now that it seems like a blur, a dream almost. At sixteen I finally got to drive. At eighteen I could legally vote and consider myself an “adult.” At twenty-one I could legally drink in every state in the U.S. Now, I realize all these important events I could not wait for have all happened. I realize I have very few “big life events” left.
Marriage. Kids. Grandkids. Retirement.
I hope that the next however many years of my life go by the slowest. I want my days to drag on and seem like they will never end. I want to enjoy the time I have, because I already wished so much of it away.
I hope you slow down and enjoy your life as well.
I hope you enjoy every little moment that seems meaningless, because it’s not.
I hope you remember to tell you mom you love her, because one day she will be gone.
I hope you put your phone down as much as you can and really be present in your life and in the lives of those around you.
I hope you remember to laugh as much as you can, because nothing is ever that serious.
I hope for a lot of things, the one I hope for most is that it lasts longer.
I hope yours does too,