Please know this is not written to bash anyone. This is written from a place of love, specifically from a place of acceptance of the outcome and hope that this person will one day improve themselves. Whether that improvement is caused by this post or not. I wil never hold anger towards you. I will forgive, but I don’t think I will ever forget. Please also be aware this is a late night post and written in the throws of extreme tiredness. My thoughts may come off jumbled because truthfully my mind is all over the place. I have a million things I want to say and unfortunately that all will never get expressed. Like I said, I am not trying to bash anyone. However, this is MY blog and I am allowed to write what I want. Whether it be coherent or not.
You and I had been best friends for as long as I can remember. You kept me sane in high school during crazy times, but you were also the cause of many of my tears. I always felt insignificant when I was around you. I think it was due to your personality. You’ll defend yourself and say that you’re, “Just telling the truth.” or that you’re, “Blunt and I’m being too easily offended.” That’s the thing though, I’m not. You have a problem and I am just now able to form that problem into words that maybe you’re going to comprehend.
You don’t get the luxury of making people who love you feel like they are less than you. Truthfully, you always accounted that to “jealousy.” Honestly? I don’t have a hint of it when it comes to you and your life. Because mine is so much better. If anything I pity you. I pity you for the fact you can’t stand on your own feet. You say you aren’t spoiled but loved. I think you have it confused. You are loved immensly, but you are one of the most spoiled people I know. That’s not something I am jealous of either. You’re very lucky to have people like that in your life and I don’t think you appreciate it to the extent you should. I’m not jealous of your life simply because I work for what I get. The knowledge of how hard it is to work for the things you have, makes the little I do have even better. I’m never going to be jealous of you when I have that. Because working for something is a hell of a lot better than just having it given to you.
I’ve always been quick in defending you. Yet, when I look back now at our friendship, I don’t know why I ever did. I know for a fact now that you never once defended me. If anything you probably talked more shit about me than anyone else in my life. You never cared, I just wish you had had the balls to stop pretending like you did. It would have saved me years of trying to salvage a friendship that was not even real.
I think you keep me around out of convenience. When you needed someone to be there for you when shit hit the fan – you always turned to me. When people left your life and you found yourself surrounded by no one – I was there. Everytime. Thank you for teaching me that not all people are worth that kind of devotion and love. Because you most certaintly were not.
Truthfully? I have nothing further to say. If you end up reading this like I’m sure will probably happen, please know that I didn’t just give up on you out of no where. I gave up on you because of how you treated me. If you find yourself curious (which you won’t because I don’t think you care right now) feel free to text me and I can give you an exact run down of the reason as to why I was eventually fed up with you and how you acted and treated me.
It was exhausting being your friend, I didn’t realize this until recently. I hope that maybe one day you will figure all of this out for yourself and become a better person. I hope you at least try.