I found myself wanting to call you today
but I realized I can’t talk to the person
who hurt me about what’s hurting me
I see you so clearly in my mind
everywhere I go
You’re in my room
eating Taco Bell on the floor
You’re in my car
singing along to every song you know
You’re at the grocery store
picking up apples and caramel
You’re at my front door
doing what you do best,
The truth is, I’m still hurt.
But I’ll never tell you that.
Because telling you
would be me justifying how you acted,
putting a bandaid over my gaping wound
and telling you that it didn’t hurt that bad.
That if you apologize or kiss it and make it better
it’ll be like it never existed
like it never happened.
But it did.
It all happened.
I almost called you today,
but instead I deleted your number
and reminded myself that I deserve better
than an uncertain little boy
who could never make up his mind
when it came to anything involving me.