Someone I Loved

Sometimes, life fucking sucks.

You can go through your day feeling on top of the world and feeling like you’re getting somewhere, like you’re moving on. For me it happens often, more often than I would like actually. I feel great, surrounded by friends, laughing, enjoying the littlest moments to the fullest. Then before I know it I’m driving home late at night crying to every sad song on the radio. Screaming at the road as loud as my lungs can manage. Having a panic attack so bad that I can’t breath and I’m hitting my steering wheel so hard my knuckle are sore.

Life is like that. It lets you win some days just to remind you how weak you are others. But I’m learning that’s okay.

I used to think that I had to get through life pulling myself together constantly, because falling apart wasn’t good. Falling apart is healthy. It hurts and it sucks and it might make you feel weak, but it’s healthy and it means you’re healing.

There’s nothing wrong with healing.

So scream, cry, be angry, punch your steering wheel if you have to. Feel something and feel everything. Because it all matters.

-SincerelyKaley

I wrote this instead of calling you

You told me the truth today

Your truth

The 100% unfiltered truth

Your dreams

desires

wants

wishes.

And for another moment in my life,

I was reminded that I didn’t have a place

in yet another person’s life.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

words you kept repeating,

over and over.

I don’t want you to hurt me either,

but the truth is

you hurt me constantly.

From unanswered texts,

to not answering my phone calls,

when I’m mid-breakdown and having a shitty day.

From arguments that never fully got resolved

to ignoring me and being done

without ever hearing what I wanted to say.

From mixed emotions and behaviors

to you saying things you didn’t mean,

because it’s what you knew I wanted to hear.

From telling me your fears of ending up with the wrong person,

but swearing up and down that I was the “one.”

Only to leave me confused,

If I was “the one,” why do you still not want me?

Why do you not want me for the rest of your life?

If you loved me like you said you do,

“More than you’ve ever loved anyone, ever.”

Why do you not want long-term with me?

Is it because you can’t see it?

Or because you’re too scared that it might happen?

I hope you find what you’re looking for

I hope every dream, want, desire, and wish you have

come true

And maybe it’s petty of me,

but I hope you fall in love one day.

The type of love where you would say yes if they asked with a ring pop

the type of love that makes you want to change your life plans.

I hope they are unsure like you.

I hope you understand one day how it felt in this moment

to be me.

To be so all in and not have those feelings returned.

I want you happy

don’t get me wrong.

But I want you to know how it feels right now to be me too.

To see a future with someone so clearly,

and them not be able to see anything at all.

May 2019 Favorites

Welcome back to my blog. It has been a crazy few weeks! Around May 17th I got my tonsils out and was down for the count for a bit there. That being said, I am doing much better now and decided to come at you with a blog post today. I haven’t done a monthly favorites in a while so I figured why not. I’ve expanded my music taste, hobbies, and a bunch more. Hopefully, you find even one of these slightly interesting.

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Quick Life Update Pt. 2

I have been on an extreme hiatus as of recent. I’m sorry about that. However, tonight I posted two new things so hopefully it makes up for my failure of posting for the past two (ish) months prior?

I hope for the remainder of 2019 I will post more consistently. Especially now, since school is done for the summer and I have nothing going on except for work.

Please stay tuned though, because I will be trying to see if my mother can record me after I get my tonsils removed. I’ll try to post that on here becaue I think it could be pretty funny. I guess we’ll see?

Have a great night guys!

-Kaley

Gypsy Mind

My entire life people have asked me where I see myself in five, ten, and even twenty years from now. My answer when I was younger was always something that at the time I was sure of. For example: When I was thirteen I would tell people I wanted to be a forensic detective. When I was sixteen, a lawyer. When I turned eighteen I was convinced I was going to be a pediatric acute care nurse and then when I went off to college I wanted to just be a neonatal nurse. Now at the ripe at of 21 (and some months), I want to do something in psychology. What? I have absolutely no idea and that terrifies me less than anything else I had planned.

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Quick Life Update

Something feels different lately, like I am starting to fall into myself. I feel like I learn something new about me every single day and I am in love with that. I’m in love with discovering who I am daily.

A lot has been going on lately. I made new friends. I lost some friends. I found new things I love. I found new things I hate. Since my birthday, everything has been eventful. It’s almost as if since I turned twenty-one everything has been falling into place in my life. I feel like for once everything is the way it is supposed to be and I have never been happier.

I hope things are going well for you,

-SincerelyKaley

A/N: Regular posting will begin as usual very soon. I am working on a lot of new content to bring to my blog and I am hoping that everyone likes it. Stay tuned!