It’s interesting watching yourself lose your spark.
Like watching a fire get smothered.
until it just finally goes out.
You sit back and wonder,
if it’s just coming with age,
if you are growing up and realizing
that not everything is worth your opinion.
Or if you just lost the fight
that you used to have in you.
Happy Birthday beautiful!
You are not just my best friend, or my sorority sister, you are my family.
I love you, I’m proud of you, and I hope this birthday is the one that changes everything for you – in the best possible way!
I know that you might not think
you are special
or of particular importance,
but in the history book of my life
would be on every page.
Life never made sense before you
and I know now,
if there’s ever a time after you
that life won’t make sense either.
I fell in love with how much you have to say
like you’ve never met someone
who speaks the same language as you.
My favorite color before you was black.
But it was only after meeting you,
that I realized
the color of the trees so closely matched
the color of green in your eyes.
I found myself
having a newfound love of nature.
Last Updated: May 30th, 2020 at 11:04 A.M.
This blog post is a little different than my normal ones. I wanted to do something extra special since my summer classes start June 1st and I won’t be able to post as regularly as I have been lately.
That being said, I recently had a deep conversation with one of my best friends Katie. We discussed all of our prior relationships and what we learned along the way. After my last post addressing each of my exes Katie told me about this idea she had, based on the last relationship she had been in. I loved the idea and told her to write it up and let me post it on here. I know after reading it, I enjoyed it. So, I hope you do too!
That is all I ever was to him, an exit plan. Anything I said, did, or tried to change was only a way out. The countless times I was led on, empty promises, and not being valued were redundant. I have realized that it is not my fault. It is not his fault either. People only change for their person. We just simply were not each other’s person. The best thing we both did was let go. He was right though; I did not trust him. After numerous times, begging him to treat me like a priority, I did not feel secure. I could feel myself slowly fading out of his life. However, I felt the need to hold on. I felt like I would not have anyone else. I thought that I was not good enough to be treated any better. I held a lot of resentment towards him for a long time. I have seen with my soulmate how everything with my ex did not work. I genuinely hope he finds his person. I hope he gets to feel loved and cherished like I do every single day.
You see, love with the person who is your soulmate is effortless… timeless even. It is the person you dance around in the kitchen when no one else is home. The man of your life is willing to get into tickle fights, nerf wars, pick you up and spin you around when you are mad at him. He will do anything to put a smile on your face. He puts that night with the boys on hold for a date night or simply have everyone together. The life partner should give you the security of trying to help you with anything that comes your way. This is what my soulmate has taught me. The small moments mean the most to your partner. Your person in life will be worth more than winning the argument. They will encourage you to be a better person. There will not be “too much time together”. Your person should not try to limit the time you share and say that you can only hang out one maybe two days a week depending on his other plans.
All your bad habits? You adjust and work on yourself daily. You should always occasionally check in and ask: Is there anything I could be doing better or work on? Having real and constructive conversations about your relationship is healthy and ensures that you are doing the best for your partner and ensuring they feel loved and are happy. I have found love is doing his laundry because you know he hates it. It is cleaning up around him while he is cooking. It is pushing each other to try new things and going places we have never been. Love is picking up his favorite drink on the way over to see him. Every couple is different. Every person is different. That is why it is important to ask what they need from you to feel loved.
Life goes on. A phrase I have been repeating to myself pretty often lately. It doesn’t stop for anyone, even people who feel like the past determines the future like I do.
I’ve learned a lot the past few months, especially when it comes to who I am versus who I want to be. I’ve been hurt a lot these past few months by people who I never thought would want to hurt me. But I also learned the most about moving on by that happening.
You can hope for the best when it comes to your future but it’s not the hoping that makes it happen. It’s the action of going out and making the life you want become a reality. What that looks like for everyone differs. People have different needs than you might, which is why everyone’s life journey looks so different.
I’ve learned that the life I want involves being happy. Just unapologetically happy and to make that happen I’ve stopped looking at the past as much. I take notes of my problems and what I could have done different, but I don’t let myself sit and dwell. I want to move forward, not be so focused on what I had that I miss what I have now.
This was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Because it involves me letting go of people and accepting situations for what they are instead of what they could have been.
I used to be terrified of regrets, but now I’m terrified of not having them. I used to be so preoccupied with trying to live this perfect dream life, when in reality that’s not possible. Perfect is boring. I want the type of life that’s exciting and full of possibilities. I want the chance to mess up my life in every way possible. I’m not scared of messing up anymore. I’m just excited to live and see what happens. I don’t care if it’s not perfect.
For once, I’m happy. Genuinely happy. I put in the work of fixing my thinking and moving on from the past. It hasn’t been easy, it’s been really hard at times.
I believe that everything happens for a reason, I think God puts people in your life for a reason. It’s not my place to question, but it is my place to figure out their purpose and make improvements to me after they leave and the lesson has been taught.
Everything is character development.